Today, I went writing in my favorite cafe in Forest Hills.  Now I know what you think.  You think that people who write in cafes are just pretentious posers.  But the truth is, that’s only half the reason I write in cafes.  The other half of the reason is that I MUST ESCAPE THE COMFORTS AND DISTRACTIONS OF MY HOME.  I am infinitely more productive sitting on an uncomfortable chair, being served sumptuous treats while I write.  Tragically, today, the distractions followed me, taunted me, even.  When I arrived at the cafe to find this taped to the telephone pole outside:

Serious calls only, please, people.